I was asked a question today.

What constitutes a successful relationship?

Okay, it wasn't worded quite like that, but whatev. First of all, in my all knowingness, I want to say that there is no such thing as a failed relationship. It may not have lasted forever, like you might have wanted, but if you learn something about yourself in the process, how can it be a failure?

Now, we get into what I think makes a successful relationship. And by successful, I mean one that is mutually satisfying for both people. Or, in other words, a good relationship. There is a such thing as a good relationship and a bad relationship.

I personally believe that both people need to have things in common. I'm talking things like religious beliefs, views about raising kids, morals and values. It's cool if you both like the same movies or television shows, but beyond a date or two, just what is that going to do for you?

If you're looking for a LTR, make sure the other person is too. Like I said in a previous post, nothing sucks more than falling for someone if they don't want the same things as you. I did. And I remember asking myself why. I remember telling myself that this person was perfect for me, except for this one little thing. No, no they aren't perfect for you. If they were, they'd want the same things you did. Don't delude yourself.

Okay, moving right along. Assuming you have these things covered, the next thing is communication. Communication, communication, communication. I cannot stress this enough. There is a difference between idle chatter and actually communicating. Idle chatter does not accomplish anything except passing the time. Communication is the act of conveying information about yourself, your beliefs, feelings, fears, etc. And getting the same thing from the other person. Basically, I believe that when you're communicating you learn something about the other person. This also fosters intimacy. Which is another thing you need in a good/successful relationship.

Which brings me to my next point. Sex. Good sex goes a long way to keeping a couple happy. Because we all know when you're not getting it, it's all you can think about. And let me tell you when you harp on something, it has this insidious way of eroding your relationship and make you unhappy. Nobody wants to keep hearing how they just don't measure up. If your sex life sucks, and not in a good way, do something about it. Shake it up a little. A lot of people get bored with the same old thing all the time. And trust me, there is always room for improvement in this area. I have lots of tips and tricks in my closet, maybe someday I'll share some of them. One thing I will say and advocate highly is D/s. This stands for domination and submission. There's nothing quite like a good power struggle in the bedroom. Ooh, did I just say that? Yes, I did!

The next thing is honesty and trust. These things go hand in hand in my opinion. If you're honest about whatever (yes, I believe you have to be honest about everything), then you have to trust that the other person is as well. This is very hard for some people, like myself. The trust part anyway. And I know first hand that nobody likes to hear that the person they love doesn't trust them. You find yourself proving futilely that they can trust you. It's losing situation, and what you lose is usually love.

The next thing, and one of the very most important things I could tell you, is compromise. You can't have everything your way, and the other person can't either. You have to learn to give and take. As my grandma was fond of saying, you have to bend a little.

Like I said, there's a difference between a good relationship and a bad relationship. And the difference is the work involved. Working on your relationship is a constant effort. My dad always tells me if it's something worth having, it's something worth working for. If you're not willing to put in the work required, you're not going to have a good relationship, and this will give way to resentment and anger over the whole thing. And then before you know it, you're asking yourself where it went wrong while you're sorting out your stuff and their stuff. Make time for your relationship, make time to work on it. Especially if you have kids.

And when you're reaping the benefits, whatever they might be for your relationship (they're different for everybody), just remember where you got the advice from. ;)

BTW, this is my response to a contest that is being held by Honey and Lance.